If anyone still reads this...

I'm here in California. I'm here, and I don't know what life will hold for me. I've been here for nearly 2 months. I miss my mom every day. I can't believe that all this happened, even though I saw it with my own two eyes.

I had a conversation with a professor in the middle of class a week ago. This conversation consisted of him saying he wrote an article about how the word "fight" in the phrase fighting cancer is the wrong word to use because you can't fight it, you die anyway. I said my mom died this summer, and if it weren't for her fighting, she probably would have died a year ago. He pulled me out of class, a class of about 30 or more, and we had a little discussion about it. He thought that it was fortunate that she got to see me, and she lived as long as she did, but that it wasn't her fighting. I don't know what I think about that, but I do know that I've come to a profound realization: We're not fighting an individual person's cancer, but we're fighting the entire disease by fighing to find a cure through places such as the American Cancer Society. I am glad that my mom saw me into college, and that she knew I'd be taken care of and that I'd be okay. I still find it hard to talk about.

The thought of people being worried about me makes me angry. Don't fucking worry, just say you know that I'll make it, don't worry about my wellbeing or any of that other shit. I'll pull my part, you just be there and pull yours.

Laura is going through a lot. Her cat had to be put to sleep. That's enough to be said on that.

I don't know if I'll ever post on this again. We'll see.


Tonight, Friday, June 17, 2005, my mother, Linda Jane Davis, beat cancer. She said enough pain, enough cancer, enough. She passed away this evening. She beat cancer, she did, and now she is no longer in pain. She will always be with me, and I know this. I love you, Mom, and I know you'll be watching over me.


Laura left for the bay area today. two days ago, we celebrated our 4 month anniversary, which was good, and consisted of us getting olive garden stuff to go and coming back to our house. my grandpa is out here, now, and us three were doing a pretty good job of taking care of her, but I think that my grandpa and I will be okay for a little while. my grandpa has his own problems, but my mom has been having a series of good days lately, so that's good, but I don't know if it's just a series of good days to be followed by bad, or what, but we'll figure it out as time goes on. it's really difficult to see my mom in such pain, but she's been lucid, and she's been telling us a lot of important things about herself, her upbringing, everything. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, but it's okay, I'm here. also, hospice is pretty crappy, or just the PMS hospice is. they're stopping by for about an hour a day, and that's about it. they don't really do much, just check on shit like bloodpressure and bedsores, but other than that, they say "hang in there" or "I know it's tough" or shit like that, and I personally think a lot of them are just shitty people. but so it goes. I'll see about posting later. we'll see.


My mother, Linda J. Davis, is dying. We don't know when she'll go, but have your thoughts with her.


So my mother is going through a lot right now. I had to take her to the ER on sunday night. They took an x-ray, re-hydrated her, she had been dehydrated since october, and the x-ray showed that she had an obstruction in her bowels, and her right lung cavity was completely full of fluid. the doctors are saying that she's very sick, and one of the nurses says that she might be in her last weeks to last days. She has a cat scan tomorrow, tuesday, and we'll make a gameplan after that. we're going to get her up to UNM to get involved in a clinical trial regarding a drug called Onconase, which may or may not help, but at least that will give the doctors a third opinion on her condition. I don't know what to do anymore, but I'm trying my best. please, if you read this, pray for my mother, I know I am.


So I'm home for a little while. Give me a call at home or on my cell. need the cell? go on facebook or ask me. peace.


Hey, I haven't written in a long time! WTF! so here's what's new with me in new "List Order (tm)":

---I only have a couple more days left of 18

---Classes suck balls, especially all the reading for philosophy

---I feel like I haven't talked to my friends from back home in a long time

---I'm enjoying myself here very much.

So that's about it. I have a math midterm on thursday, I think, so we'll see how that goes, and other than that, i'm just chilling here, trying to relax. Well, guys, that's it for now. E-mail me sometime! AdamddDave@wmconnect.com


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